Conversation: Brenda, The Traveling Tickle Trunk

Brenda Kerber is the owner of Edmonton’s sex-positive, conscientious sex toy store - The Traveling Tickle Trunk, located on Whyte Avenue. She has been doing this work for over 20 years and prioritizes high-quality sex toys, inclusion in the industry, and ending sexual shame & stigma.

Brenda and I met via FaceTime to chat. I had planned a conversation centred on her day-to-day experiences in the store, but we went off script and delved into the sex-positivity movement, hopes and dreams for the future of sexuality, and what drives her to work in this field. It was a much deeper conversation than anticipated, and for Brenda’s openness and insight in the field I am grateful. Read on to learn about how the sex toy industry is about way more than just the products themselves. 

*Please note that the audio recording of our conversation was lost, so although notes were taken and the content has been reviewed and consented to, the responses to the interview questions are not direct quotes and serve as a summary of our discussion rather than representations of Brenda’s exact words*

What do you do for work?


It’s complicated, although it seems simple. The simple answer is that I run a sex toy shop. There are a lot of things involved. 

How did you get into this line of work?

I was a social worker in 1999, I hadn’t intended to get into this line of work, I fell into the HIV network of Edmonton and was introduced to the term, “sex-positive” for the first time and became very interested in the field and how the work could be done in a more inclusive and engaging way that actually addressed people’s lived reality.

Around the same time I was introduced to sex toys which was an avenue that led me to be more appreciative, compassionate, and explorative towards my sexuality and I thought that they could work for other people in the same way, so I combined the idea of sex toy parties with social work and did home parties! Although the company I was working for at the time did not care so much about what went into the products and most of it was not actually safe. You need to know what you are talking about when it comes to sharing information about sexuality, so I took that experience and thought I could do something myself.

When you spoke in my Human Sexuality course you taught us what materials to look for in sex toys and which materials to avoid as well, would you be able to share a bit about that now?

This is something that has changed a lot over the last 20 years, now there are a lot of good quality toys on the market. However, poor quality products are still available and people may not be able to tell the difference, especially when a store displays a reputable brand next to a lower quality brand it can be tough for customers to make safe decisions. We have information on our website because we want our customers to be able to distinguish good sex toys from unsafe ones so they do not have to worry. You want to buy something that actually says what it is made of, like “100% silicone” or “borosilicate glass”, rather than something that claims it is “true feel” or “silicone-like” because that doesn’t actually tell you what it is made of and some brands do this intentionally because they know that consumers are aware that silicone is a good material for sex toys. 

From my understanding, the sex toy industry is essentially free of regulations - do you find that the cheaper products are the more likely they are to be made of something that is not super great for you?

Now there is a big interest and big investment in sex toys and costs have gone down so much compared to 20 years ago, so the pricing can be more accessible. However, if a small, local company is making your product with care and attention to detail it will likely be more expensive than a similar product that is being mass produced in China. There are some retailers that still do not care about the materials their toys are made of.

Do you see there being an effective path to regulation in the future?

No, not here. There is regulation in Europe! Although it is more sex-positive there. We do not take sex seriously in Canada. For example, in 2009, Liberal MP Dr. Carolyn Bennett tried to pass a private member’s bill in regards to sex toy regulation and it was not taken seriously at all. 

What do you think can be improved upon in the sex toy industry or the sexuality industry in general?

It is getting better and it has changed so much! An example is that we are starting to understand that gender is fluid and personal and as a result we are letting go of gendered language. There are a couple of the sex toy trade shows and events which now have award categories for the best sex toy for specific body parts, rather than awards for best sex toy for women or men. This is a big step forward and companies are changing as we speak and are being authentically more inclusive by taking language and cues from people who are transgender, genderfluid, and non-binary.

What do you think can be done to make sex toys more accessible for people of all ages, gender expressions, races, socio-economic statuses, and abilities?

I have been so happy seeing further representation of people of a wider variety of sizes and shapes and skin colours in ads now. Additionally, we need to change our language. We work on that at the Tickle Trunk - we ask everyone, “what would you like to do?” when they are shopping, rather than assuming a certain toy will fit their needs based on how they present. We need inclusion of ranging abilities, a lot of people don’t see pictures of themselves on packaging but what is that saying about who sexuality is for? We need greater representation.

What do you think the importance of sex toys are for our overall sexual wellness?

They are great for exploration. You don’t have to play with toys, it is okay if you don’t, but they are good for helping to create experiences you might not otherwise have. They can help you realize things that your body can do and they can also open up difficult conversations about sexual pleasure and desire when the focus is on the toy rather than the partner. They also help make things possible! Someone may want to experience what it would be like to have a penis, even for one night, and they can go buy a strap-on and experiment with that. 

How do you find things have changed for you in the face of COVID-19?

It has been quite the time, things are constantly changing and it has been stressful for a lot of people. We were not anticipating that quarantines are good for sex toys. I think this isolation and anxiety has given people the desire to connect and feel self-pleasure. Although I am not sure if the surge of sex toy purchases will continue with a potential economic fall in the future.

How do you feel that it more or less took a global pandemic for more people to prioritize their sexuality in this way? Would you deem sex toys to be essential goods, although not arguing that people MUST spend money on them in these tricky times?

I do think they are essential, although they more realistically fall between and we can live without them. Although people trivialize toys, they are really important, helpful tools for exploration. I also think that the pandemic has shown that we assume stasis, we don’t always recognize that we actually choose to operate in certain ways, but I think now we are realizing that the status quo can change. I am hoping that because people had time to explore and realize these parts of themselves, that they will be willing to talk and share about it to make the conversation of sexuality more of an open public space. I hope going forward there is more space to validate other’s sexual experiences. 

Why do you think there is this status quo of shame around sexuality and using sex toys?

Shame goes back a long way and people unfortunately feel more comfortable with that discourse. It has roots in North American puritan culture that sex is mainly for reproduction and possibly acceptable for relationship building. These are strong and old ideas, but they are changing, and there will be backlash as it veers away from this norm. If we evolve to get rid of sexual shame so much would change. 

Is there a specific culture that is doing this better than we are, or do you think sexual shame is still fairly prevalent no matter where you are?

I have German roots and you don’t see that level of shame there. You walk past a sex shop with toys in the window and no one is concerned. 

Do you think sex toys could fit into the curriculum here?

It’s never gonna happen. I don’t go into schools with the exception of university classes because they will not allow someone to bring in or talk about sex toys. Although I understand, I think this is backwards. I think we all need to understand our own sexuality first before we engage with partners. It is so opposite here how it is not okay to seek out pleasure on your own, but wouldn’t you want people doing this? It is a safe way to explore and gives people the opportunity to to understand their own body first! There is such a big thing built up around the “first time” and the concept of virginity and this relying on another person to give you something sexually. It is so gendered and it is all about “taking” when it should be about gaining experience. This discourse around virginity is only useful in controlling people. 

What do you think would change if people were taught about self pleasure?

I feel that if this were part of the curriculum that there would be a lot less sexual violence because people would be more comfortable in saying yes or no and would additionally be more well-versed in actually listening, talking, and there would be less boundary confusion which sexual assault hides beneath. We are slowly getting there and understanding that people have a right to control their own boundaries and that it is not acceptable to push past them.

Do you think this has been a gradual change or has it been more explosive in response to the #MeToo movement?

I think there was a lead up prior to the Me Too movement with people saying “enough is enough.” There has been push back (POTUS is an admitted sexual offender) but there is forward momentum. 

Similarly, I am finding “sex-positivity” to be a movement - what does this movement mean to you and what do you think it needs to include?

To me, sex-positivity means the recognition of sex as a natural, normal, and positive part of being a human being. It means that we do not view sexuality at its core to be inherently bad. It doesn’t mean that sex is always positive or great because this waters it down, neglects those who have had negative experiences with sex, and ultimately alienates people. It is more about viewing sex as not a destructive force but something that is natural. And I think individuals need to keep pushing this forward by fighting shame in our own lives. Shame has no place.

What are some of your hopes and dreams for the future of sexuality and what can we do as individuals to push that forward?

We need to appreciate the people who have put themselves at the forefront, who have put themselves at risk to help to push these movements forward and we have to continue to ask, “who are we excluding?” You shouldn’t be ashamed of who you are and don’t put shame on other people. We need to believe people’s experiences especially when they are taking the risk to put themselves out there. We need to accept that people are their own individuals and thank them and learn from them when they are sharing their experiences. And we need to remember that there are no standards on what it looks like to be a sexual person. 

Is there anything else you would like to add?

That sex toys are a good thing! Again, you do not have to use them and that is okay, but they are something to be enjoyed, they can be exciting, they can offer new experiences. Make sure that what you are doing is safe and never ever ever buy toys from Amazon - it is risky especially when you do not know what is in them! Now there is the option to visit a reputable retailer who understands, is knowledgeable, and can provide you with a safe, high quality toy. 

What is your favourite part of owning the Traveling Tickle Trunk and working in the sexuality industry?

Everything. I have loved it for a very long time. It is so much more than toys, it is about people and how they experience their lives. When people come to the store they are really trusting the staff because they are exposing a bit of themselves that our culture doesn’t always respect.