Choosing your First (or Next) Sex Toy

So you are looking to buy your first sex toy or maybe your 100th and are seeking a bit of guidance? To start off, congratulations for taking an important step in the pursuit of self-pleasure! Often sexuality and specifically sex toys come with a negative societal stigma and conditioned feelings of shame or embarrassment, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing pleasure through the companionship of a sex toy or two or 100. In fact, it is pretty awesome and empowering to explore your body and get to know what feels good for you. 

If it is your first venture into the world of sex toys it may seem daunting to know where to begin, there are literally thousands of toys that serve thousands of purposes. Some toys “suck”, massage, vibrate, some are hands-free, some are operated through an app, others are in the shape of rabbits, or butterflies, or penguins - the wide variety is amazing because there will be a toy for every body and desire, and that is also why it is important to take the time to consider which toy(s) will be right for you.



1. What gets you off?

To find out which toy or toys will be a good fit for you, first and foremost it is good to reflect on what you enjoy - how do you touch yourself when you masturbate? What sensations do you enjoy during sex? What area(s) of your body are you looking to pleasure? Are you looking to explore something new? This is about you and what makes you feel good - everyone is different, but that is why it is important to think about what you specifically want from your sex toy(s). 

Because a proper search for a sex toy should be self-directed, it is impossible to tell you exactly which toy to buy, but the purpose of this article is to provide you with information that will help you make an informed decision and make your first (or 100th) trip to a sex shop a little smoother.

2. What’s this even made of?

Because a sex toy is typically something you are putting in your body, it is good to be educated on what constitutes a well-made sex toy and what doesn’t. The following materials are safe/healthy to use intimately:

• 100% Silicone - if this is what your toy is made of you can rest assured that it is safe to use because it is not porous, meaning that bacteria cannot get inside. Silicone is also soft, flexible, odourless, tasteless, and long-lasting! Because of these amazing qualities, silicone toys can be more expensive, but they are well-worth the investment.
  

• Glass (Borosilicate glass) - don’t worry, it won’t break inside you. This type of toy is extremely durable, easy to clean, and made to withstand a wide range of stresses and temperatures, which is one of the reasons why it is so great - it can be used for temperature play by running it under hot or cold water. Oh, and it’s firmness is ideal for stimulating G and P-spots.
  

• Metal (specifically stainless steel) - Like glass, the firm quality of metal will hit the spot and can also be used for temperature play. Metal sex toys are typically heavier than other which can be pleasurable. They are also easy to clean and are compatible with any lubricant. More on lube later...
  

• Ceramic - similarly to glass, ceramic dildos will not break inside of you, however if they are dropped or the glaze is cracked, please discontinued use as bacteria can live in the spots without glaze. Again, similarly to glass, ceramic sex toys are great for temperature play and the feeling of extra weight. Additionally, ceramic is sustainable, long-lasting, handmade, creative, and decorative. Check out the SEXPLETIVE ceramic sex toys on the shop page.
  

It is best to avoid buying “jelly-like” toys due to their excessive porousness and tendency to break down quickly or sex toys that contain phthalates because they are toxic to the human body. ABS Plastic is not the most luxurious material to make a sex toy out of but as long as it is a hard plastic it is safe to use and can be a very good material for transferring vibrations. Always research and check the label - there are ZERO legal bodies regulating the production of sex toys in the EU, Canada, Japan, and the U.S., therefore not all sex toys are created equal!

3. Anatomy of Pleasure

Most people (not all people) require some sort of external stimulation (meaning the clitoris or the penis) to have an orgasm. For external stimulation for people with vulvas, there are bullet vibrators which can be discrete and offer a direct sensation, wand vibrators which can pack a more powerful but spread out sensation, handheld massagers, and toys that simulate oral sex. For people with penis’ there are a wide variety of masturbator sleeves, often called “flesh-lights” which simulate the sensation of penetration. There are also cock rings, penis pumps, blow job machines and more! For internal vaginal stimulation (g-spot) or anal stimulation (p-spot) there are also endless options although typically something firm and curved, possibly with vibration is best for reaching those spots. If you are using a toy anally be sure that it has a wide base and use lube as your anus is not self-lubricating - seriously, it will make your experience much more enjoyable and safe. 

If you are unsure of what stimulation would be best for you, try looking for a versatile toy! There are toys that can vibrate which are good for trying out clitoral and g-spot pleasure, dildos with a wide base so they can be used vaginally, in a harness, and anally (just make sure to wash your toy thoroughly if you are switching back and forth), vibrators that have different intensities, patterns, and attachments, etc. If you still feel unsure ask the employee at your local sex shop - they really are experts and deal with this stuff everyday. It is normal for them even if it is a new, strange, or uncomfortable experience for you. The main goal is your pleasure and we are all on the same team to get you there!

4. Lube and other considerations

If you’re stocking up on a sex toy be sure to buy some lube too, it makes the whole experience much smoother. The only thing you need to keep in mind is not to use silicone lubricant with a silicone sex toy. Water based lube is compatible with any material of sex toy so it is a safe choice if you are unsure.

Do you share your space with roommates or your family? Then the noise level of the vibration may be an important consideration as well, but it is very likely that you can test this out in the store. You can also test vibrators against the tip of your nose to get a good idea of how it will feel - if it is enough to tickle your nose it should do the job.

The cost of your sex toy is also a consideration. If you are shopping for your first toy you may not want to spend so much while you are figuring out what you are into but a sex toy is an investment, especially because the industry is not regulated, typically what you pay for is what you get.

5. For the person buying their next sex toy

If you fall into the category of someone who is buying their second or hundredth toy this next section is for you! The main idea is to try something new. Did your first purchase not really do it for you? Are you looking to explore what you are into further? With all the thousands of products and new innovations there will always be something interesting to try.
 

Perhaps you can size up on your next dildo or butt plug, or treat yourself to a luxury/high-end toy since you are all grown-up now! You can browse the kink section of the store to explore and push your sexual preferences. You can look for toys to incorporate into your partnered sex or explore toys that stimulate other parts of your body than you are used to, like nipple clamps. Most sex shops also have fun novelty items like fidget spinner butt plugs, edible body paint or board games that can introduce new positions and more creativity into your love life.

The whole idea is to try something new, to explore your pleasure, get to know your body more, and have fun! Regardless of how many times you have visited a sex shop there is always something new to try! If you are feeling unsure just ask the person working, they can help you with products that are best for beginners, guide you to new items, or suggest some of their favourites.